it's been good

I've made some changes since college began:
I floss my teeth now.
I wear earrings. I'm trying to be a grown up.
I bought flasses. (fake glasses people)
I stay up til 2:30 a.m. almost every night. Why? I think I need to change that.
I take vitamins.
I eat a ton of peanut butter.
I paint my nails. I don't know why I never did before.

Some things are the same:
I still procrastinate.
I hate exercising. ugh I don't want to gain the freshman 15...I should start working out.
I struggle with staying disciplined in reading my Bible. I love reading it in the moment, but then the next day I don't feel like it. It's so Satan. He knows how to get you. He knows how to make you think false thoughts. Why do I let him win?
I hate flirting. Why can't we just talk like normal people.

 I've never been a fan of the idea of living on campus at college. Because you know what it is? It's a cycle of classes, hang out with friends, do some homework (maybe), hang out with friends, eat meals with friends, work (if you have a job), hang out with friends, waste time with friends, then Sunday rolls around and you go to church with friends, then you stay up late with friends, then you do it all over again and again, and again.

I've enjoyed college. I came down here because I needed to branch out. I needed to meet new people and learn to be independent.

It's been good.

It's been eye-opening.

But this thought came into mind, "what am i doing here?" I feel like theres no purpose to this. I feel like I'm not doing anything productive. I want to be involved in church. I want to be involved in family.

Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose but then I remind myself of what my reason for living is; I remember it, but then I don't know how to live it out. Especially at college.

I haven't realized how important my church has been in my life; helping others, fellowshipping, praying, worshipping. I'm attending a great church in FL but I'm not able to get involved like I was at home. And I miss it so much. I now realize why the Bible puts so much emphasis on the church. It's awesome.

But I also put too much stake in the church. Because attending church and being involved gives me satisfaction and fulfillment.

God is my satisfaction and fulfillment. When the church can't be a big role in my life, God is still the center. Or He should be.

I think I've been viewing my relationship with God as a group effort. When in reality it's so personal. I can be strong in Christ wherever I am. Even if no one else wants to serve Him like I do, or when I'm surrounded by the most godly mentors. It's personal.

College isn't just  phase of life I have to get through. It's another phase that's added to all the other "phases" that equal my life. the life God gave me to glorify Him.

I needed to get all that out.