"I fully desire to be this kind of woman: so in awe of her Beloved that nothing and no one else matters. With her head held high and always looking above, She challenges others to look toward that Source of life that so captivates her heart. A woman so focused on Him that it consumes her very being, making it obvious that she has been set apart." - Gennean Woodall
Wow, to be that kind of woman. That is my desire, but my sinful fleshly desires trump this so many times. It actually scares me sometimes to think about what a radical life like that would be like. It scares me to think that the woman mentioned above wouldn't gossip with her friends but would lift them up and she wouldn't spend hours on Pinterest but hours in God's word. She wouldn't think about how she looks or what others are thinking of her, but rather her thoughts would be consumed with her Creator.
That scares me because I am sinful and my heart wants sinful things. I do, but I don't.
I am feeling like Paul when he wrote in Romans 7:15-25:
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
I have such an inward struggle with the battle of my desires! I get overwhelmed when I think about trying to reshape my desires into the desires of God. I want to but then my sinful nature whispers "It's not as much fun. You won't find satisfaction in that."
Oh foolish thought! Done in my own strength there is no chance of me finding satisfaction in Christ, but, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord." I don't and can't do anything without him. and I don't have to because He has delivered me!
He calls me to follow Him and obey Him, not try to figure out how to cure myself. I come to him broken and sinful and he restores me. He will make His desires mine. If I lean on Him, look to Him, and wait on Him.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)
He has redeemed me and He will continue to work in me until Christ returns.
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