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Although it's been difficult at times, going away to college is what I needed.

I had a great phone call with one of my good friends last night. We both expressed how much we miss being home, how much we miss our church family, and how we feel like it's a waste of time being away. It feels so unimportant sometimes. You can't be involved in church or family and we feel useless at times like we are just filling up time here.

But then we realized that we have both grown more over the past two months than in the past two years.

My eyes have been completely opened. God has worked in my heart especially in these past few weeks.

My original reason for coming to Clearwater was to gain independence and to grow in Christ. But I quickly lost my focus on coming down. The need to have friends, the desire for a boyfriend, the social activities, and new experiences all pushed there way to the top of my priorities. I lost focus of my purpose and lost sight of who I am.

They say that college is a time for "finding yourself" figuring out who you are and what you believe. It's true. But if you don't find your identity in Christ you will just keep searching.

God has totally changed the point of view that I had from the time I arrived here and given me more than I could have ever imagined. That's what happens when you finally stop trying to control the way things work and let God work in you.

He has shown me the reason for relationships. He has shown me that the grace He gave me is to be given to others. He is showing me how to love people. Really love them even when they are unlovable, as am I. He has given me real, spiritual contentment for the first time in my life. I have had "contentment" before, but it was based on my feelings which quickly pass away.

He has shown me when all earthly things (family, church, friends, comfort) are stripped away and all I have is Him. He is all I need. He is sufficient.

I don't know why, but I haven't cried since I've been here. But as I sit here writing these words and listening to Audrey Assad sing I Shall Not Want; I'm crying.

I'm crying because I feel free and I feel loved. Freed from my ungodly desires and loved by a God so great and powerful yet so gentle and personal.

And I am so thankful. Ever so thankful for this time away and for a God who never let's me go.